RE: Probably The Best Parenting Advice You'll Read! Don't say No! Never praise, complement, or reward. no demands or punishments! The real roots and meaning of NonViolent Communication.
The trick with this is that I have yet to see it work in practice. It sounds lovely in theory but I have seen a lot of parents take it to extremes over the years. I agree that saying NO is the wrong approach because our brains do not understand the negative but some sort of different approach must be set in place. When your child is doing something dangerous or wrong for himself and the environment, you have to stop him. I have seen parents who do not say no in those situations with diverting the child's attention. That does not work, it does in that moment but when the parent is not around there is no one to divert them from bad things and since they did not learn those things were bad or wrong, they do them. Trust me, they do them.
Parents often want their children to love them and do not want to be "the bad guy" so instead of being parents they become friends with their children. Being a friend and being a parent is not the same. Saying STOP and using punishment and reward system is sometimes necessary. We are all animals, people seem to forget that. If you give your dog too much freedom and do not enforce the rules, you will be in big trouble, kids are the same. Unfortunately, I have seen what kids with too much freedom grow up to be. So... I agree, no saying no but as for the praise and compliments... Kids and adults alike need love and validation and our language is one of the ways to give them. There is nothing wrong (in my opinion) to praise your child when he or she does something good. Thank you for sharing this post, it has some really good points in it.
You can not have a "yes" without a "no" I would say. For me, a "No" is also needed. Children would just live on sweets and screens. if you have a child, you know that. And there is a lot of safety to be taught, I am a strong believer that personal experience is the best school but I will not let a car run over my child to let him/her have that experience, much love, nice comment.
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i think the deeper meaning is the bypass of polarity and the communication of ones needs rather than a one sided domination. If we look at extreme examples this idea is hard to grasp.. so looking at a simple example of it being bed time would be a better example. When the child asks if they can stay up,, instead of NO, we explain why we arent comfortable with that.. and explain ourselves.. We are not the american police state where we must follow orders.. well we are actually, and that is what this post seeks to change. WE dont need to order each other around, we need to urgently learn HOW to communicate with our kids and each other. . because it can be SO much easier when we understand the power behind the words we use..
watch that vid man.. seriously.. he changed my world!
i hear you.. it is hard to know what to say without some guidance! Once you get the idea of it things can work quit nicely.. Its not really about letting them doing anything.. its how you say things and the words you use.. how you explain things.. and most importantly that you Do in fact leave the option open after explaining everything clearly.. It must be a request, not a demand.. that is so important.. YES you can find extreme exceptions.. we always do .. but in General this is very sound advice for the long term mindset that it brings..
I have seen kids who never really heard the word no. they are AMAZING! you never really NEED to either! so i dont think you really need to say no even though it seems that way. It is not necessary, that is the entire premise of this post.. it does SO much more harm than good, and apart from that rare occasion when kid is about to slice his legs off with a chainsaw.. we can remain their inspiration and respected and loved guides rather than their oppressors.. which is all too often the case!
its a whole 'nother paradigm ! IF you watch the first 20 mins of this VID you might start to see what im on about.. or rather what he is on about! He got me!