Emotional up and down
Today I waked up feeling amazing, I slept really good and stepped out of bed with the right foot. The first thing I did was too look in the mirror and tell myself “I’m great”, and then I started dancing to my favorite music. I never wanted that feeling to stop; sadly, it wasn’t going to last.
I made breakfast and ate it, I ate so much I felt asleep again and waked up at lunch time, this time not feeling so good as before, but still pretty good.
I was hungry, so I made lunch. I made something really kick because I didn’t felt like cooking again.
Suddenly I wasn’t feeling like dancing again, and I didn’t wanted to be alone; therefore I asked my friends to go out with me. So, we met at a coffee shop and had some cappuccinos and cake. We talked, laugh, and had a good time.
After that I wasn’t feeling like staying home alone either, so I went to the gym for 2 hours, and made everything I could to be tired and sleepy the second I entered home, but I couldn’t.
I went back home not wanting to but I decided to affront my feelings. I knew what was going to happen, I saw it coming, that’s why I didn’t wanted to be alone.
When I entered home, I called my partner but didn’t answer the phone. I felt like truly left alone.
I didn’t want to be alone, cause alone always means I have to think about myself, I have to think about problems that affect me internally and externally.
After a while I was already crying and I couldn’t stop. I had a headache and I couldn’t bread.
I was really trying to calm down doing breathe exercises, but they didn’t help. So, I remembered that depression doesn’t make you sad, depression only worsens the sad thoughts you are already having.
I tried to identify those sad thought, one of them being that my partner didn’t picked up the phone. And I went like that trying to look at thing from a rational point of view instead an emotional one.
After identifying all the sad thoughts, it is easier to change them for more positive ones, for example:
“my partner doesn’t love me, therefore didn’t picked up the phone” for “my partner is busy, therefore didn’t picked up the phone”.
But the most important thought that has to be changed is that being sad is a bad thing, we have to see it as something neutral in order to fix it. I know is kind of a contradiction but it really helps me.
Another thing is to not see depression as bigger that ourselves, and never let it win over us.
Today I was really sad and had a complete breakdown, but I tried to look at it from a rational way, saying to myself:
“ok, I have depression, and I’m sad, why am I sad? How can I fix it?”
And it worked, I managed to overcome my sadness in a way shorter period of time than I usually do.
Never forget this:
you are stronger than you think, you are bigger than sadness, and depression, and all the problems you may have.
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